My Speech

I made a promise and so I must keep it.

While concentrating on my many sewing tasks over the past few months, Podcasting was relegated to the back burner. The longer the gap the harder it is to begin again. So where will I start?

At the wedding on Saturday several people suggested that my speech might work well as a Podcast. There are friends and relations who follow my blog, but were unable to attend so for you I will re-do the speech.

You will have to imagine the heckling and the rotten tomatoes flying through the air!

My adventure is over, theirs is only beginning…

Today I am home from Elly & George’s wedding and am feeling a little fragile:

So where do I start?

Thursday dawned and I woke early, the car was packed and ready to go. I spoke to Elly and she was in very good form (for a bride) and seemed quite relaxed! I had a good breakfast and set off on the road of a wonderful adventure.

Where have the 29 years gone, it seems at times as if while I blinked she changed from a tiny baby to the beautiful, capable, organised and independent young lady I now see. Her Dad would have been proud!

The journey was uneventful with some heavy rain as I crossed the border from Northern Ireland to the south. I called with Elly and we had some quality time before going to check into the hotel. Elly still had some things to sort out so she left me to get my bearings in the hotel and have an early quiet night.

Friday was a rest day for me with my only task being to press the famous outfit. This I did in stages and rested until after lunch.

Reception informed me when guests checked in so I was able to meet and greet them. My cousin and her husband from California who I met and stayed with a few years ago were the first to arrive. As we caught up with family news and looked at photos, my cousin from New Zealand and her son whom I last saw in the late 60’s were next to join us. These cousins were aware of each other but never met so it was good to make the introductions. We spent several hours catching up and filling gaps in family history.

Elly and the bridesmaids checked in and joined us for dinner. We were nine in total at this stage and the banter and craic was wonderful. A good omen for the day to follow!

Saturday dawned with sunshine and no rain. I went to breakfast at 8.30 and was joined by the Bride-to-Be and her attendants before they headed to keep hairdresser appointments. The remainder of the morning passed quickly with guests arriving from all arts and parts. It was becoming a very international affair. We had representatives from north, south, east and west of Ireland, London, Paris and Troyes in France, Romania, California, New Zealand and the high point for Elly was to have an Uncle from Australia who was bringing his 18 year old daughter to Ireland for the wedding and to meet his (our) family for the very first time.

Elly announced that she did not want to miss the fun so we all changed into our finery and rejoined the guests for the pre-wedding reception. It is the only wedding I ever attended where the Bride and Groom mingled with the guests before the ceremony.

At 3p.m. I had the honour of walking Elly in and handing her over to George. Music was provided by a sister of the Groom, while another sister, a friend of the couple and an aunt of the Bride took care of the three readings.

An Uncle of George’s officiated and the couple had written the service and vows themselves. It was very moving, and the place resounded with everyone singing ‘When I’m Sixty-Four by the Beatles as the couple walked, or should I say danced out.

At this point I have no pictures but if you check Elly’s blog, not alone will find a picture but can read her vows.

Almost ready for the Big Event

The sewing is completed for the wedding, the boxes, bags and clothes hangers are all sorted and ready to load into the car. So what have I left to do?

!. Prepare a short Mother of the Bride speech of welcome and share a few of Elly’s escapades from her young life. She has not yet realised that my dementia is selective….

2, Decide on my party-piece for the evening. Now I wonder …

‘My Favourite Things’ is a harmless little ditty.

♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

Now let me see if I remember the lyrics:-

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillac’s and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

We remember our favourite things.

When the pipes leak,
when the bones creak,
when the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinning',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning',

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

Then we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache,
when the hips break,
when the eyes grow dim,
then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad.

These lyrics are courtesy of Julie Andrews she chose them for a performance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall

I wonder where I might find a singing teacher…

The very thing the yellow Pages!

My long pause…

The past couple of weeks have proved rather busy for me. I am trying to finish all my sewing tasks for the wedding. I have Elly’s outfit ready for the final fitting and hopefully my calculations are not totally off the scale. I now need to make a cushion for the Ring bearer and a little bag for the Flower girl.

I have completed my own headgear and my bag for the day. My project for this afternoon is to make some decoration to hide my scrawny neck…. Alas sacks are forbidden….

These notes are by way of an apology for not posting or Podcasting more regularly. I have lurked and added the odd comment. I am depending on my store of amusing stories and graphics and hopefully they are keeping you interested until my time becomes my own again. Hang in there because like ‘Old Blue Eyes’ I will be making a come back!

So to keep you going:

Lucy spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to re turn their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Lucy called her Ex and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

Shoes

There was a time in my young days when passing the window of a shoe shop, particularly in early springtime, was an utter impossibility for me. It was a time when my hard earned cash provided me with a new outfit each spring, summer, autumn and winter. These outfits became ‘Sunday best’. The purchasing was not complete until the hat; gloves, bag and shoes all matching, were chosen.

I am talking about the days where all well mannered young ladies attending any job interview arrived punctually wearing her hat and her gloves. On entering the interview room she stood until invited to sit down. When sitting she kept her knees together and not crossed, keeping her gloves on throughout the meeting! “Why?” I hear you ask. Taking off ones gloves was considered forward and gave the impression that you were there to stay! Gosh I am so glad that things have moved on since then.

Leaving that tangent, I come back to my topic of shoes. I am not quite in the ‘Imelda Marcos’ category but I do confess to several pairs of shoes. I like to keep them clean and place shoe-trees in them as soon as I take them off. This helps keep them in shape and good condition. When they have cooled off I store them in their boxes lined with tissue. I have shoes that were purchased eight or nine years ago and still they look like new. They have spent more time on my feet than in the boxes.

Yesterday I ventured out to look for a new pair of shoes to go with the outfit that Elly helped me choose for her wedding. I headed for Ballymena and McKillen’s a well known Footwear Emporium in these parts. I walked slowly past the goods on display and realised once more that age was catching up on me. On past visits I have found difficulty in choosing only one pair of shoes. This time I was saddened that nothing appealed to me – I came away empty handed. I did find another shop who had a pair in the colour I wanted but alas not in my size. They offered to call their other branches this morning to see if they had my size. A phone call in the last hour confirmed my hunch that I was out of Luck. I am back to square one.

Now in desperation I have searched the net and think I have found the very thing. I wonder if I posted them to Granny would she wear them for a day or two to break them in for me.

So what do you think lads, would these heels do something for you?

My Sewing Box

Whatever will I wear?

By now you all know I have a wedding coming up. I think I need your help. What ever will I wear?

To meet and Greet!

Where on earth do I start?


A little exercise might help.

Should I let the fingers do the walking?

I don't have much time left so please make suggestions.

Cellulite

Grandad has offered solve my cellulite problem. Thankfully there is no mention of Botox. He says he can use sand-blasting, Pollyfilla or Photoshop? Hopefully some of you out there can advise me which method would be most suitable and long lasting. I have a wedding coming up and if he can’t help I might have to resort to a flour bag!

I have tried the Photoshop method myself, but it is very difficult walking around with a photograph stuck to my face. It becomes lob-sided very quickly in this windy weather, or soggy and streaked when it rains.

All suggestions gratefully received.