Friday, May 18, 2007

My long pause…

The past couple of weeks have proved rather busy for me. I am trying to finish all my sewing tasks for the wedding. I have Elly’s outfit ready for the final fitting and hopefully my calculations are not totally off the scale. I now need to make a cushion for the Ring bearer and a little bag for the Flower girl.

I have completed my own headgear and my bag for the day. My project for this afternoon is to make some decoration to hide my scrawny neck…. Alas sacks are forbidden….

These notes are by way of an apology for not posting or Podcasting more regularly. I have lurked and added the odd comment. I am depending on my store of amusing stories and graphics and hopefully they are keeping you interested until my time becomes my own again. Hang in there because like ‘Old Blue Eyes’ I will be making a come back!

So to keep you going:

Lucy spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to re turn their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Lucy called her Ex and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!


Mary said...

Hello Grannymar, I came to your blog through your comment on Annie Rhiannon's blonk.
You are a very funny woman, I love your blog!

grannymar said...

Welcome Mary.

I try not to take life very seriously. There are enough folk walking around with miserable long faces.

Nancy said...

Hello Grannymar,

How I love revenge stories. Here's another one.
There was an ad in the paper listing a 2007 Mercedes for sale for $25.00. Certain that the price noted was a mistake, but taking a chance anyway, a fellow called up the woman who was selling and asked if that price was right. "Yes, she said,"Come on over and look at the car." He went to her home and sure enough, there was a beautiful new Mercedes in her driveway. "It's for sale for $25.00.,"she repeated. The man gave her the money and she signed the title to the car over to him on the spot.
When the transaction was all done, the man asked her why she had sold him something so valuable for only $25.00.
She said,"I know that my husband has been having an affair with his secretary for two years now and when he died recently and they read his Will it directed that all the proceeds from the sale of his Mercedes were to go to his secretary."

grannymar said...

Nancy I like it!

K8 said...

That's brilliant!!! And here's me thinking sprinkling watercress on the carpet and watering it was the best way to annoy new renters! Smelly fish in curtainrails takes the proverbial hob-nob.

Betty said...

Great story! And, I liked Nancy's, too.

grannymar said...

@K8 I hear Grandad is changing all the curtain poles!

@Betty do you think we women have a secret nasty side?