Them & Us

Most of the time I like young people, I even gave birth to one!

But I also remember the day when:

"grass" was mowed,

"coke" was a cold drink,

"pot" was something your mother cooked in and

"rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

"Aids" were helpers in the School Principal's office,

"chip" meant a piece of wood,

"hardware" was found in a hardware shop and

"software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap…

Today we might have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing etc. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them,

Now what the hell are you doing for the next generation??

The ‘O’ is cancelled.

In a month or two I am due to have a birthday. It is one of those Landmark ones. In other words if I wanted to have lighted candles on the cake I would need to notify and book the Fire Service in advance. Thankfully that won’t happen. How do I know? Well I have informed Elly that I do not want a party and if she tries to surprise me with one, I will turn on my heel and run like the clappers!

I am saved by the bell. Here in the U.K. new anti-age discrimination legislation came into force at the end of 2006. So it will be an offence for anyone to mention or make reference to my advancing years. But I still have the problem of ‘every picture telling its story’. Now that the Avon ‘face lift’ cream advert has been banned I will really have to depend on Grandad for his sand-blasting.

Elly did come up with a solution for me after a visit to her ‘French Mother’ a couple of years ago. They had decided that all the sagging and lines were caused by gravity. “Walk around on your hands for two or three hours a day, and Bob’s your Uncle!” she said. Now I am not sure about having Bob for my uncle, never mind walking around on my hands looking at and being in close proximity to sweaty feet.

But wait a minute! I think I have found the answer. I will stroll around with a great big dirty grim on my face and passers by will be so busy wondering what I have been up to, they will not notice the effects of age!

And before you ask, I have no intension of telling anyone what I get up to!!

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
room.

14. You sing along with elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

20. You can't remember who sent you this list.


And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

No, I didn’t make it up, but I hope it made you smile!