Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Was it you?

Some guy has taken the time to write this all down. He calls it the rules from the male side. I wonder if it was my Sin-in-Law?

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cricket, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

9 comments:

Grandad said...

I think I just wet myself again!

I completely agree with all of them, but especially 1.

I am now going to print this off in multiple copies and frame them in each room. Then all I have to do is point.

grannymar said...

Listen Grandad, stop blaming me every time you wet yourself!

Learn some control!!

Dario Sanchez said...

Maybe Grandad could do with Inconti-pants:

The Long Lasting Elderly Nappies That Can Take A Load Of Shite And Keep Going - Much Like Bertie Ahern!

I was paid to say that ...

Dario Sanchez said...

And thank you, I'm honoured to be on your blogroll ...

*sniffs and then bursts into tears at recognition*

I'll update mine shortly ...

grannymar said...

dario I think Grandad is saving for the pants!

I updated my blogroll yesterday and realised you were not there. I have been following you for some time now.

I do have a problem with your site - I find it hard to read with the black background. Mind you I have the same problem with justified print!

Nancy said...

Grannymar,

Speaking of wetting yourself, I have often pondered this:
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from incontinence, does that mean that one person enjoys it?

Grandad said...

"If 4 out of 5 people suffer from incontinence, does that mean that one person enjoys it?"

Yes. It gives that nice warm feeling.

Welcome back Nancy :)

Dario Sanchez said...

Yeah, I've been meaning to change the print on it alright. So many templates, which one to choose?

grannymar said...

:D